So I had my last therapy session prior to the letter writing session coming up on May 7th on Tuesday night (April 30). It was really good. We talked about my worries about coming out at work and my parents' and family's great reactions to my coming out to them. We really didn't have much to talk about. He outlined changes that T would cause and stuff, which was nothing new, and he gave me a referral for Dr. Thorp.
I'm a little nervous about the letter-writing process. I want it to say all the right things so I've printed out the Healthpartners GRS info sheet to bring with me. I also want him to write a letter not only to Dr. Thorp but also to Dr. Buckley, who I actually see first. I'm hoping he's willing to do that. Oddly enough there's no letter required for T, according to Healthpartners, but there is for surgery. Totally makes sense for surgery, but I sort of feel like the letter is necessary for T, too. What if you're too unstable for T? I know that I'm not, thanks to the MMPI and my conversations with Dr. Brose and my therapist, but still....just seems unwise to send people out to add hormones to their systems without being sure about them being stable and sane.
Fortunately I'm pretty stable and sane. :)
So back to the letter writing - what happens if he doesn't write a letter addressed to Buckley and I meet with her first and then can't start the prior authorization process? I can't go about on T with these stupid giant boobs. They get in the way, they make binding and passing virtually impossible and I hate them. They're the biggest part of my dysphoria. I love looking at myself from the collarbone up. I hate it when the mirror shows more. I need them to go away, and soon. So I need this letter from Scott addressed to Buckley. I'm concerned he wants me to start T and then do top surgery later and that's just not an option. And if that's what he wants, what do I do? Do I find another therapist and start over? Find someone who operates by informed consent and not WPATH? *sigh* This is what is stressing me out right now.
So on to binding and packing. That was the topic of discussion at "group" last night. It was a really good, lively discussion. It made me think a lot about binding. I don't do it 99 percent of the time because a) I'm not really trying to pass right now and b) I'm afraid of any damage it might do to my skin, my breast tissue, and my body in general. I don't feel a real need to do it except for sometimes. Like, I hate my boobs and I want them gone, but it is way more important to me to protect my health than to bind because surgery seems like it is so imminent. BUT there are times I'd really like to bind and I haven't (until last night) found something that works well enough. The double/triple-front compression shirt from Underworks creates this big uniboob thing that hangs out with my gut and it just looks bad. Not male, not female, just. bad. And ties don't look great with it, either. However, one guy last night showed us how he binds - he uses a back supporter turned backwards and moved up and boy does it work great. Granted, he's been using it since he was a teenager, but I bought one last night and it was amazing how much better it worked. We're going to go to a medical supply store and check out other options this week/weekend and see if we can find a better one than the one I got at Wal-mart. A) I got it at Wal-mart and would prefer not to support them and b) it is a two person job to get it on. But it is super comfortable and super effective. So off we go to a medical supply store.
Next week I'll post about the letter!
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